Utila: the diminutive, funky island, still going strong, is the premiere diving destination, especially for budget-conscious divers and those seeking a decidedly laid back, low-priced vibe. After just a few days on the island in January, here are some observations and recommendations on getting the most out of your trip, including how to get there, what to do, where to stay, where to eat, where to drink and where to chill.

Getting to Utila is a ‘snap’ these days, thanks to the ‘Utila Princess,’ the small but seaworthy craft that whisks passengers from La Ceiba to Utila, departing La Ceiba at 9:30 am and 4 pm daily, departing Utila for La Ceiba at 6:20 am and 2 pm. Ticketing is now computerized and a easy; the fare - a downright comfy Lps 300 each way.

Once on Utila, your first order of business is to locate a suitable place to lay your head for the night and there are a bunch of choices, all easy on the budget. New in town is Trudy’s and Trudy’s Suites. The Suites are a bit more upscale with microwave, color TV with cable, a/c, fridge and comfy bed, doubles start at $55. Trudy’s offers simple yet comfortable rooms with hot water, a/c, with doubles starting at $35. If taking a diving course, the reason most travelers visit Utila, your accommodations will be included in your dive package. Don’t expect a room with all the bells and whistles though, but clean, simple yet sparse budget accommodations will be included free at all of Utila’s dive shops. Jade Seahorse is another good option for accommodations; Neil, the proprietor, offers up 5 fantastically designed and decorated cabins, each with a different theme. The landscaping and gardens are simply out of this world, a fantasyland of textures, materials, shapes and colors which are simply too over-the-top to describe in this short space. Do yourself a favor and check it out on your next Utila trek. The Seahorse also offers up the Treetanic Bar and a great restaurant as well, a double with 1 bed, $50 and a double with 2 beds, $72.

If you are looking for something truly laid back, stay on outlying Jewel Cay, where Captain Morgan’s Dive Shop operates a small, simple hotel, Hotel Kayla. Not much to do out there but dive, snorkel, eat fish, drink quantities of beer and rum and wile away the hours (sounds pretty good to me). For that ultimate chill experience, head out to nearby Water Cay where you may be lucky enough to be the only resident on this deserted, white sand fringed cay. Bring that special someone, plenty of water, munchies and beverages, as well as a tent and sleeping bags and you’ve got the makings of your very own Utila-style reality show.

Heading back to civilization on Utila, you will have worked up quite the appetite and fortunately, choices abound on Utila to quench even the most ferocious hunger. Tops on the list of places to chow down are the Mermaid Restaurant, patronized by locals and divers alike, where they munch out on the best buffet on the island, with cheap prices, fresh food and the huge portions. Big Mamas is receiving the final touches of a luscious, architectural makeover, and the new digs look simply marvelous. Breakfasts at Mamas are reportedly tops as well, though I have yet to try them. RJ’s BBQ is only open Wed., Fri. and Sun. and only for dinner. An Utila institution, RJ’s serves up heaping portions of Utila comfort chow that leans heavily on, what else, BBQ’d fish. Sit in the back with the in-the-know locals and inhale deeply from the fish-infused BBQ smoke billowing from the grill while sucking down your favorite ice cold Honduran brew. La Piccola is not new, but they are in a new locale, so find these guys - you won’t be disappointed. The food is first rate and the gringa wait staff is world-class. Mariposa Restaurant is built high up and way out over the water, and is a pleasant, lovely perch from which to enjoy some ‘Grade A’ chow in a refined, island-inspired atmosphere.

After all that snorkeling, diving and eating, what better way to round off the evening than to hit one of Utila’s late night drinking establishments? The reigning kings of Utila nightlife are Tranquila Bar and Coco Loco. Both are ramshackle, funky, weathered wood affairs that jet out over the bay. They are strictly utilitarian affairs - no bells and whistles, just lots of bar stools, good bartenders, plenty of well-priced booze and a constant stream of young, chiseled, well-tanned, tattoo-blazoned divers from the four corners of the globe, all with one common goal in mind: party, party, party. And, when all is said and done….party some more! (How’s that for one’s objective in life for your next curriculum vitae?)

The next morning awake, breathe deeply of the fresh Utila air, gaze toward the distant Pico Bonito mountain range towering over the mainland in the distance and ponder civilization from a 1-hour boat ride away. Following all this pondering and contemplating, I recommend heading off down Utila’s public sidewalk (no roads to speak of here, just sidewalks – how laid back is that?) and parking yourself in one of Utila’s myriad of morning breakfast spots.

This trip we brunched at Munchies, which is housed in an historic Utila home that has been lovingly restored. After a few rounds of coffee on the expansive veranda, the effects of Coco Loco and Tranquila Bar have begun to dissipate and one can set their sights on the important tasks at hand for the next day: relax, snorkel, dive, eat, drink and chill some more. Some may call this a waste of time, a dead end existence, but Utilians and travelers from the world over would probably call this taking the road less traveled, because in Utila, you run on Utila time, it’s that simple. Here, life moves to the rhythm of the seas, the gusts of a squall and the arrival of the supply boat. People still hang out on the sidewalk, chat up their neighbors, drink like fish (no pun intended) and still, after all these years, manage to chatter about in Utila-inflected banter, all but unintelligible to outsiders. Utila is not for the average tourist – but after all, that’s just the point. If the average tourist types flooded Utila, then simply put, Utila would no longer be Utila.

For more information on Utila, check out www.aboututila.com or www.sunjamutila.com.

RECO VOTING RESULTS

At a public gathering next to the RECO yard, with Congressmen and Mayors and government officials present, the details of all of the qualified contestants for the control of RECO were read by Mr. Vegas of Vegas Electric, both in English and in Spanish. The turnout was great, showing just how important this transaction has become to the populous of Roatan.

At first the people were promised a say in who they sold the utility company to, then the process seemed to go behind closed doors making everyone a little nervous, but at the last minute the final say was put before the general public.

Bottom line, after registering thousands of RECO shareholders and allowing them to vote, both a Dominican Republic firm and a Mexican company were eliminated and an overwhelming victory was announced for Mr. Kelsey Warren of Barbarretta, Honduras.

This was followed by an announcement that there would be an island blackout from 4 to 8 a.m. the following morning. No matter how fast Mr. Kelsey moves, it may not be fast enough to keep the failing equipment from crashing for the last time the RECO people tell us. God speed, Mr. Warren.

AS A SIDE NOTE

We noticed the absence of the majority of the Gringo set, this in spite of Roatan Bruce’s constant encouragement to attend the meeting on his radio talk show. Bruce is convinced it is because these types of public meetings are conducted in Spanish, even though Roatan is repeatedly and proudly sold as an English-speaking island. We remember Congressman Hynds promising all meetings would be conducted in English just before his departure as Mayor of Roatan. Que paso?

STARTING OUT ON THE RIGHT FOOT

Our attempt at humor went over super well last week and we thank you for the praise. (2 e-mails & one guy on the street) Now, in order not to offend anyone over hair color jokes or gender humor, we begin with the list of best woman blonde jokes for 2007.

She took back her Christmas scarf because it was just too darned tight.
She finished the jigsaw puzzle in only 3 months when the box said 2 – 4 years.
She was trapped for 1-½ hours on the escalator in the Ceiba Mall due to power failure.

Found out the capitol of California is not “C.”

And finally, she kept going down to Mango Center looking for an envelope because her computer kept telling her, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

MORE PONDERISMS

If a deaf person is called into court is it still called a “hearing?”

Why are you ‘in’ a movie, but ‘on’ TV?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a crisp? No one would do that intentionally, would they?

POLICE CELEBRATION

Held at Coral Cay, the recreation spot with the brand new decorated entrance, hundreds of police officers, friends and dignitaries gathered to welcome in the new recruits and to pay tribute to older veterans who have done a good job.

The head table was looking good with local Police Chiefs and high-ranking personnel from far off places like Tegucigalpa...

CHISME

Overheard at a public meeting, Congressman Jerry Hynds proclaimed after serving out his present term of office he will retire from public life. This man has done so much for Roatan he will surely be missed. Perhaps if we nudge him now and then, he will reconsider.

TRY THIS

And finally (we promise), sit down at your desk or dining room table. Lift your right leg and circle your foot in a clockwise direction. Easy enough, is it not? Now, keep that foot going and write the number six with your right hand in the air. Ooopppsss – what the??