Tela:
Tourists will find more reasons to flock to the North Coast

Howard Rosenzweig
Honduras This Week

At one time, Tela was a major banana port, buzzing with industry and activity. The old pier and a few stately banana company buildings stand all but ignored, testaments to the glory days of Tela’s storied past. Although Tela has seemingly fallen on hard times, an awakening of sorts is in the air – this tropical North Coast town is now turning its attention towards tourism.

During a recent 2-day jaunt to Tela, I found it much the same as when I first saw it, some 20-odd years ago. Sure, a few things are different: a new hotel here, new restaurant there, but basically, things haven’t visibly changed all that much. Yet, change is definitely in the wind; it might not be too long before we see it bustlinlg once again. But before we get to the biggest changes on its horizon, let’s look at what Tela offers the tourist nowadays.

Casa Azul, the longtime ‘gringo trail’ eatery is under new ownership, now run by Mark, from Texas. The centrally located spot offers up typical, hearty gringo chow: subs, dinner specials and a book exchange to boot, and it’s open ‘till 11 pm. Garifuna Tours, after all these years, still gives the best local tours, with trips to far-flung Cayos Cochinos for $51 per person, Cuero Salado at $68 per person and Pico Bonito at $33 per person. They also serve the usual menu of local ‘Tela tour’ favorites like Punta Sal, Punto Izopo and the Micos Lagoon.

Security has improved in recent months in Tela as well, providing an impetus to tourism, hard hit by recent guidebook reviews that highlight deteriorating security. Today, a squad of tourism police patrols downtown Tela and the National Police have pitched in rounding up chronic troublemakers, getting some of them off the streets.

For those seeking nightlife, Tela’s got some rockin’ options. The hot, nightclub-of-the-moment is Laguna Club, located on the main highway near the gas station. Closer to the beach, Arecifes gets high marks as the best bar and grill in town. In terms of places to chow down, old favorite Bella Italia, where its Italian owners bake up some of the best pizza this side of the motherland, is always reliable. For seafood, try Luces del Norte and Cesar Mariscos and don’t forget the newly expanded deck restaurant at Maya Vista, a Tela institution. Although there ain’t much Maya stuff to view from their deck, the view of the bay is nothing less than spectacular and the food happens to be great.

Just over the bridge towards Telamar, the aptly named Steak House receives good reviews from in-the-know locals. And, for a cup of espresso or latte, a branch of Espresso Americano has opened up right on the Central Park. Although they have the a/c cranked up to “polar,” it’s still a cool place to check e-mail, make a cheap inter­national call and sip tasty coffee beverages.

When it comes time to call it a day in Tela, two of my favorite hotels in all of Honduras happen to be here: Gran Central and Maya Vista. I love them both, but for different reasons. Maya Vista capitalizes on its stellar, high-up location and impressive 360 degree views; it’s also home to one of the best places to eat in town, including the aforementioned panoramic view, of course.

Gran Central is probably the finest example in Honduras of a thoughtful, careful, tasteful renovation of an old, deteriorated hotel. The owners took a discarded, worn-down establishment and turned it into a work of art and a joy in which to lay one’s head for a couple of nights. The ‘grand old dame’ of Tela tourism, Telamar, has received what appears to be a pricey retrofit from its humble, banana port beginnings. Newly renovated rooms and the mega pool could easily compete with any Hotel Intercontinental property.

Unfortunately, Tela’s beachfront peatonal has a scruffy, deteriorated look that speaks volumes to the generalized lack of interest in promoting itself as an international tourism destination. But the place does have potential, and lots of it, with miles of undeveloped, white-sand beaches, close proximity to the 2nd, 3rd and 4th largest cities in the country - San Pedro Sula, El Progresso and La Ceiba - translating into ready access to woo hundreds of thousands of potential Honduran tourists. As well, Tela is strategically located between the San Pedro Sula, La Ceiba and Bay Islands corridor, through which most international travelers pass.

As Tela develops, it will become an important stopping-off point where international tourists head for easy day trips (Punta Sal, Punto Izopo, Cayos Cochinos, Cangrejal whitewater rafting, Cuero Saldo, Pico Bonito hiking, etc.) and further afoot to Copan Ruinas, the Lenca Trail, the Bay Islands and La Mosquitia. International resort chains have been leery in the past to dip their investment toes in the clear, blue waters of Tela Bay, partly due to disinterest by the Ministry of Tourism and the government as a whole, and an overall lack of confidence that has plagued Honduran tourism.

However in 2008, the panorama has changed: it actually appears that international, big-time tourism, including some major, international resort players, are now in the game, thankfully placing Tela on the cusp of some dramatic transformations, with some serious tourism infra­structure on the drawing boards.

Getting to Tela these days is a snap. The Hedman Alas bus line (www.hedmanalas.com) runs first-class coaches from San Pedro Sula (travel tip: bring a sweater and a ski cap - I kid you not - they love to crank up that a/c for some unknown reason. I guess it’s the old, macho “use it or lose it” philosophy). A warmer, cheaper alternative is Tela Express; though not exactly as “express” as the name implies, it will get you to Tela without the customary stop for a bus change in El Progresso. A ticket will set you back a comfy 65 lempiras, one way. For those on a stricter budget and with time on their hands, buses depart Tela for El Progresso every 30 minutes for 28 lemps and every 30 minutes to La Ceiba for 36 lemps. In Progresso, you can catch a bus on to San Pedro Sula. By the way, next time you are in San Pedro Sula, check out the new bus terminal, the finest of its kind (actually the only one of its kind) in all of Honduras. It’s big, new, clean, safe, has a/c (actually set to a comfortable, tolerable level) and little by little, all the bus companies in town are moving their operations there.

Finally, any update on Tela tourism would be remiss if it did not include the new Tela Bay Project. Preliminary infrastructure is being built as we speak and the project will be finished in phases. It will feature all the requisite bells and whistles, including 4-star interna­tional franchise resorts, a pro golf course, a marina, residential area, commercial area, etc. The plan is to make Tela the main distribu­tion point for mainland Honduras tourism. So, good bye to sleepy, idyllic beaches between Tornabe and the hamlet of Miami: Tela and its surrounding environs are poised to see major changes in the next decade or so.

TO WHOM DO WE OWE A BIG ROATAN ‘THANK YOU?’

There he was, one man with one shovel, against the traffic and the elements. He was manually filling in the cracks, giant holes and crevices in front of Petro Sun, on both sides of Bo Jangles’ driveway, an amazing feat of strength and ingenuity. No heavy equipment, no massive trucks, no expenditure for materials, no building permits, no environmental impact study, just a couple hours of semi-hard work with a shovel.

I know, we sometimes feel like little old ladies, complaining about the same, trivial things over and over again, but someday, someway, we will get our points across. The incoming e-mail categories are well-defined: in 3rd place - RECO; 2nd place - taxi drivers; and coming in 1st - road conditions, i.e. potholes.

IS THERE REALLY SUCH A THING AS A FREE LUNCH?

We are happy to report, that there IS.....after purchasing ten separate tickets on either Sosa or Atlantic Airlines. Depending on whether you turn in ten one-ways to Ceiba or ten roundtrips to and from Tegucigalpa, they will reward you with an appropriate voucher. For this particular exercise, HTW collected ten rounders to Ceiba from Roatan on Sosa and we were asked to pay the small sum of 534.16 lemps in tax, and subsequently handed a round trip ticket, good anytime in return, the transaction accomplished in about eleven minutes.

Atlantic took one minute less and charged 489.54 lemps, making it close enough to call a tie. Both airlines were happy to process the deal for us. We don’t think very many people are aware of this perk, because the behind-the-desk people were a bit unfamiliar with the process and had to make a few phone calls to get it all accomplished.

The moral of the story is, save them receipts, they’re valuable. Could this be why there is a fleet of workers sifting through the trash at the dump?

We also remind you to carefully set aside your receipt when you purchase a telephone of any kind: without that the warranty is void, void, void.

OUT AND OUT HUMOR

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Why, you would call that NACHO CHEESE.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? POLAROIDS, natu­rally.

What do you call a boomerang that does not work? A BLOOMIN STICK.

What do you call Santa’s Little Helpers? SUBORDINATE CLAUSES, what else?

And again, that word some of you sourpusses cannot wait to read: FINALLY, What do you call four Hondurans trying to get into the Inn of the Last Resort on that muddy driveway? QUATRO SINKO.

And now, if your hysterical laughter has subsided, I went into a full-on book store in San Pedro Sula and asked the sales lady where the “Self-Help” section was. She said, ‘Now, if I told you that, it would defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it?’

We ask on everyone’s behalf: why do they lock the restroom doors around here? Is it that they are so afraid someone will break in and actually clean them?

ZOLITUR

No, we nave neither forgotten nor given up on the step-by-step procedure of a Zolitur membership, it is just that we are so bogged down in red tape, we have no progress to report. It is taking bookkeepers, attorneys and customs people time to unravel their interpretation of the laws. Is anyone out there that surprised?

IT’S ABOUT FOOD

For the Argentine Grille lovers, good news: A brand new eating area adja­cent to the famous restaurant sprung up so fast, it snuck up on us.

RESTAURANT REVIEW

What can we say? Three times invited, two times not-quite-good-enough to rave about, so we said nothing, but on the third visit things went backwards. The Buffalo Steak House is conveniently located in West Bay, has plenty of parking, above-average service, cleanliness and atmosphere, but it seems like no more USDA, Grade AAA imported beef. It probably got to be too much with the different chicken-inspectors every week at the docks.

They mumbled something about the Tornadoes of Beef being from America, but obviously the rest of the menu calling out the Dalton etc., are either locally grown or imported from some land where the winters are even tougher than here.

Green salad - fine, but only oil and vinegar for dressing, buns and real butter (a hit) and the baked potato, served with butter only. Prices are up there: without alcoholic beverages - 900 lemps for two, half of that came home in a doggie bag, and it was actually for the doggie.

WATCH OUT FOR THIS ONE

Did you know you must file a year-end report each and every year if you have a Honduran Corporation? Even if there is zero activity, you must file or pay a very large fine when caught. It does not need an attorney’s touch, so ask an accountant about it.